Marea (00:00.076)
Alright, guys, welcome back to the podcast episode. We have a good one today. This is going to be part of the self-love library of podcast episodes. As you guys know, that is definitely a theme for this podcast. Hello, it's called the Love Energetics podcast, right? So today I have a really good one though. I haven't heard people talk about this much, honestly. And it's been a really important part of my self-love journey. And I've seen this
Be an issue for so many people and why it is so hard for people to consistently show up for themselves, put themselves first, and master unconditional self-love. So I thought, what better time than now to talk about this topic? So today we are gonna talk about self-love, but self-love encompasses a lot. So today is gonna be like one vein of the self-love, which is putting yourself first and why.
and how to put yourself first without being selfish and also without being an asshole because some people really get this wrong and it's just the way that this gets tangled and twisted, it makes it really hard for people to put themselves first and have unconditional love for themselves in the most high frequency way that's going to benefit their own life and also other people's lives.
So I think it's really, really important to distinguish the differences between these two things. And it's just gonna make you also feel so much better as you start to integrate more self love into your life and have more self love with yourself no matter what, and just really push through some of the discomfort that comes along with putting yourself first and going on your self love journey because it it's not easy. Like I will be honest with you, it is difficult, especially in the most
triggering times, that is when is the hardest to do. So we are gonna go deeper into this today so that you can feel really confident and really just secure in your decision to go on your own self-love journey. Or if you're somebody that, you know, you want to love yourself more, you've kind of been working on it, but you have some reservations, maybe you have some shame and guilt underlying as well about putting yourself first and what that might mean in relationship to
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a partner, a family, a friends, like all of that stuff. We are gonna dive into it so that you don't feel like you have to do one or the other. You get to have it all. That is what this podcast is always about. It's going to be about high frequency, expansive information that is going to benefit your life and achieve higher levels of fulfillment and of course manifesting, right? Because
Who doesn't want to have their dream life, right? We want it to feel as good as it looks, but we also want it to look fucking awesome, right? I can just keep hyping this up, but we're gonna get into the actual information. And I wanted to also just say that if you've been enjoying listening to this podcast, it would mean so much to me if you could rate the podcast five stars.
Leave a review. I'd love to hear more about your takeaways of what you've enjoyed and what you'd like to hear more of. It really helps me too because I want to make sure I'm giving out all the topics that you guys want to know most about. So leave a comment, leave a review, and let me know what you like and what you want to hear more about so that I can continue to do these podcasts and give you this high frequency free information. So, with that, we're gonna go into the details I have for you in this podcast episode. I do have one.
previous episode where I do talk about more of like a very introductory conversation to self-love and self-image. I th I forget the name of it. I'll have to put it in the show notes. I think it's an intro to I think it's an intro to why we feel stuck in life. I did start to talk about self-love there and it's very like embedded within my work. If you guys know me, you know that I also host a lot of in-person workshops on unconditional self-love. So
It's obviously a cornerstone to my work. You've definitely heard me talk about it. But if this is your first time listening to me, or maybe you forgot, you know, the introduction, high-level stuff about what self-love is, especially in the way that I talk about self-love, I do just want to like clip notes that really quick. A lot of people talk about self-love, but the way that I talk about self-love is from an unconditional self-love type of way.
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And this type of way is the highest frequency source truth way. And so if you listen to my last podcast episode, I talked about what I mean by source truth. So source truth is like truth with a capital T, like thousand frequency universal truth type of thing. I'm always going to share
The most high frequency universal truth type of information on here. Yes, I will share my experiences and how it makes sense to me as well. But I want to make sure I'm giving you the most accurate, intuitively aligned information. So there's so many different ways that you can probably describe self-love, but I'm talking about unconditional self-love. And what I mean by that is take out the self-piece for a minute. So
Unconditional love is the highest frequency you can vibrate at essentially. So when you think about source or god universe, whoever whoever, whatever term you like to use for the higher power, you know, how you communicate with the creator energy, all of that. I really don't want to single out any type of religion or anything like that, because in order to truly manifest your dream life and have a fulfilling life.
I believe that you need to believe in a greater power and I I channel Source all the time, Source God Universe. I know it's there. I like to say it in a way too, because it's not a he or a she. It has masculine and feminine energy. It's all encompassing. It's not one or the other gender wise. So I do try to say it. It's kind of a weird vibe, but
It's just that creator energy. Just to make things a little bit more simpler, if you hear me talk about source, interchange that with God or universe or source. Whatever makes the most sense to you, whatever resonates with you the most, whatever you feel the most connected to, because that's so so important, use that language. So just as a general rule of thumb, I'm going to say source, back to unconditional love being the highest frequency you can vibrate at. So essentially
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unconditional love is what source is. So unconditional love is having love for something unconditionally, right? Like we're breaking it down from the foundation because
I'm always going to do that because I want to make sure that you have the foundational concepts because the more and more advanced we get on this podcast, the more advanced that we get into. If you ever join any of my other trainings, they're a little bit more advanced. So I host online trainings usually once a month through my free membership, Sovereign Radiance. There's a link in the show notes if you do want to join that membership and get on the list to be notified when I'm hosting my next online training. But
those trainings are more advanced. And then of course if you work with me one on one, that is the most advanced concepts, teaching, tailored experience you can have. But I always want to make sure I'm hitting the foundations on this podcast because when you hit the advanced stuff and you don't have the foundational knowledge, that is where you run into some issues. And I always want to make sure that you are getting all the pieces and you have the full understanding because
If you don't have the full understanding, one, you might not fully believe it's going to work for you. The second reason for that is a big reason why I struggled so much in the earlier years of my spiritual awakening and my manifestation journey. It was because a lot of the spiritual information out there, a lot of the manifesting information out there has a lot of holes and missing pieces. And I wanna make sure that you guys always have every piece needed.
To reach your full potential and create your dream life. I don't want to leave anything on the table for you ever. I'm always gonna give you the most in-depth information that has all the pieces in it. So you're never left missing anything. With that, I am breaking down unconditional love at the foundational level, right? So unconditional love is loving something or someone unconditionally. So that means free of conditions, right? And so conditions could be good or they could be bad. So
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perceived as good or bad. And you've probably heard me say this before, but everything in life is generally going to come down to a perception. And the way that our brains work and how we work as humans is that we perceive things as either good or bad. It's pretty rare unless you're doing this type of work to have a perception that is neutral. But you know, never say never, right? So but that's what unconditional love does. It essentially puts you in balance.
with seeing all the positive, perceived positive things and all of the perceived negative things. So think about, you know, the most common thing is unconditionally loving a pet. So if you unconditionally love your dog, for example, you love your dog when he's cute and you love your dog even when it's giving you a really hard time or maybe chewed up your couch or chew up your favorite pair of shoes. You still love your dog unconditionally, right? Loving
Free of conditions. The love always stays the same. And you're able to see an equal amount of positives and negatives, perceived positives and negatives in the situation, and still love that thing or that person, anyways. So unconditional love is the highest frequency we can vibrate at because really if you want to start looking at the world in a source view type of way, that thousand frequency higher level perception, right? That's how we
Raise our consciousness, become higher frequency, all of that stuff. So if you want to start looking at the world like that, you need to start applying more unconditional love to everyday life, seeing, you know, your situations in your life as an equal amount of positives and negatives, you know, getting yourself into balance, getting yourself into more of a neutrality. Nothing is ever inherently good or bad. It is what it is. It's neutral. And it just comes down to the perception you have that
is when you decide, you decide whether something is good or bad, right? So that's the unconditional love spiel that I'm gonna give, but we're gonna focus not on just unconditional love today. Like this is about self-love and so unconditional self-love. And I would say arguably unconditional self-love is the hardest thing to do. Why does it seem so easy to unconditionally love our partners?
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Our children are pets, but when it comes to us, it is very hard for us to love ourselves unconditionally. And if you've seen that previous episode, I do talk about how we're raised. I go really deep into how, you know, traditional parenting works, how society works, how the school system works. It does really train us to have more of a conditional approach to loving ourselves. You know, if we're good, we can give ourselves love. But if
you know, we do something perceived as bad or, you know, against our goals or something that's out of alignment. We beat ourselves up for it. We're our biggest critics, right? So that's why really unconditional self-love is so important because most of us are loving ourselves conditionally or not even loving ourselves really at all. that was me for many, many years. When I started my spiritual awakening back in twenty twenty, you know, I was at my rock bottom in life and because my
self-love levels were truly, truly so, so low, like very low. Like I was getting that reflected back to me from every angle of my life. But I cared about my love life the most because at the time I centered men, which if you go back to the previous episode, I talk about why that is, why we're taught as women to center men. but I had thought my whole life, you know, if I had this dream relationship, it would complete me. So
I had very low levels of self-love and I noticed how much that was reflected back to me in relationships. So I went on a big self-love journey going into 2021 as part of like manifesting my dream year, my dream life, whatever. Like I knew I wanted to love myself, but also I knew that I had to love myself if I wanted men to treat me.
respectfully, if I wanted higher quality men, if I wanted to manifest my soulmates, my divine union, I had to love myself first. So that was the catalyst and driver in the beginning. And then, you know, over the years, right, I realized that even though I started cultivating more self love, I it was not how do I explain this? Like I started really loving myself in terms of
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a romantic life. Like I had high self levels in that area of life. But then I wasn't focusing on these other areas areas of life until later on. but when I started Maria Manifest, when I you know, was working at my corporate job, when I was, you know, attracting higher frequency friendships or like versions of friendships. Just wanted to feel more connected to my friends. I wanted to really feel like I had people that I could count on. Things like that.
just any other area of my life, I was not demonstrating that unconditional self-love in those other areas the same way that I was in relationships. And so that caught up to me. What I'm trying to say is that unconditional self-love is really, really important, not just for one area of life, but across the board. So this has been my bread and butter for seven years now and is the foundation of manifesting. It's the foundation of self-concept and self-image healing work.
It is the foundation to really having anything that you want in this life, but also feeling happy and fulfilled with those things. Because what I've come to see is that it really doesn't matter, honestly, what you're able to manifest. You either can't maintain it or you feel like shit even when you have it because of these low self-love levels. So that is why this is called the Love Energetics Podcast. That is why.
Self-love is so important to my work and what I teach my clients and everything. So anyway, unconditional self-love. There are a lot of components to it, but today's focus, like I said earlier, is going to be about the one piece of self-love about putting yourself first. So going back to I said unconditional self-love is loving yourself unconditionally too, right? So whether you do something that you perceive as good or bad, you love yourself anyways, right?
you have compassion for yourself. you speak nice to yourself, right? I mean, you've probably heard that before. We say some things to ourselves that we would never say to a friend, right? We're we're our biggest critic. So on that journey of conditionally or on that journey, on that journey of unconditionally loving yourself, one big component of unconditionally loving yourself is putting yourself first. I think what I'm
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essentially trying to tell you with all of this stuff that I just was going into is why you should care. Like this is why you should care about self-love. It is the bread and butter, it's the foundation and it's really the ca key to fulfillment, to happiness, to being able to hold these big manifestations, these big aspirations that you have for your life. That is why you should care about self-love. And then now what I'm gonna go into is this one facet of self-love. So that is putting yourself first.
And that is what this episode is all about. So when I started my self-love journey back, like I said, in 2020 when it came to men and things like that, I still was not fully getting to that unconditional, like highest frequency version of self love. But I did make a lot of strides. I was taking care of myself more. I was putting more energy into myself. I was you know, not willing to accept.
low standards anymore. You know, I had raised the bar on what I was willing to tolerate. So that's great, right? but when it comes to the putting yourself first thing, that was something that came a lot later for me in my spiritual journey because I think this is one of the things that people don't realize is with this work, right? Like there are so many people that really won't even listen
To something, if it's spiritual, if they're just like not a spiritual person, or you know, their life seems fine. A lot of people like are living their life like 50% fulfilled, probably lower, honestly. If I were to look, like let me just intuitively look in right now, let me connect with source. Source, out of all the people in the world on this planet today, all of the humans on this planet on Earth today, on average, what levels of fulfillment
is the average for what everybody on this planet is currently at? Forty two.
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Forty two percent is the average level of fulfillment. The tricky thing about that, honestly, I wasn't even gonna talk about this, but the tricky thing about this is that if somebody's never experienced higher levels of fulfillment, you don't know what you're missing. Like you don't know how high you can really go, right? So say like you want your whole life at fifteen percent fulfilled and then you did some work on yourself or maybe like
By happenstance, some things improved in your life that were probably just like a soul plan versus like you manifesting anything specifically, but say by happenstance your life improved, right? You got a job you really like, you found your partner and you didn't really like necessarily do a lot of this internal work. You might have gone from 15% fulfilled to 40% fulfilled. And that's gonna feel like a hundred to you because it is so much higher than what you're used to.
But you don't know what a hundred percent fulfilled is. And so I find that when I talk to a lot of people, they feel like their life is good. But when you clock their actual fulfillment levels from an intuitive lens, they are less than fifty percent fulfilled, like almost always. That is another reason why you should care about doing self love work is moral the story of what I'm trying to say, why you should care about self love. Because I guess going back to what I was saying was that
When it came to the okay, yeah. I'm going on a lot of tangents today. This is fun. When it comes to self love and putting yourself first, that was not something I did in the earlier stages. So, like I said, right, my fulfillment levels in life were really low. And then I integrated self love concepts, right? Not the full three sixty of all the self love stuff. You know, I didn't get it a hundred percent and I didn't have it quite at the source thousand frequency perspective either. But I did start pouring into myself and my fulfillment did really improve.
But it wasn't until years later, this was why I said it. this is why I went down that tangent. It wasn't until years later that I came to realize that my self-love levels had dropped a lot again. And I think also the reason the reason that my self-love levels dropped a lot too was partially because, you know, I manifested my soulmate in twenty twenty one and that's when I was really like going hard on the self-love stuff.
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And then, you know, I was with him for years and, you know, just every year I because that relationship area was my highest value at the time, my self love kinda just, you know, fell to the wayside. I didn't have as much of a motivator to motivate me to do all of the self love stuff. And, you know, life got in the way, limiting beliefs got in the way, low self image in other areas of life got in the way and
You know, my self-love work dropped for a little bit. And you know, especially when I first started out this business. Starting a business and going after your like dream vocational career, that's gonna bring out every limiting belief, every low perception of yourself that you have. It is going to bring that to the surface in your face. It is one of the most spiritual
identity shifting things you can do is like go after your dream career and go all in on a business and a belief in yourself. So anyway, until I started learning about, you know, there was a time and place a a couple years ago now where I was building this business, but I was unhappy in life. And even though like I had manifested my dream engagement, you know, I was really excited for the wedding, the planning, you know
Had a lot of bumps in the road. It was more stressful than I thought. I thought that my business was going to take off more than it did in the beginning. And I was like, you know, what is going on here? Like, none of this is feeling as good as I thought it would. Like, what is going on? And so, and then like also that first year in 2021, like I was manifesting on fire. Like everything was just coming to fruition for me. And it was amazing. And there's a whole nother reason for that.
There is this like if you've ever been through a spiritual awakening, you will know that that first year is incredible and then it gets really hard after that, and then it gets really good again. But there's a whole nother story to that. So if you're ever interested in hearing more about that, I can do a whole podcast episode about the spiritual awakening gateway. because it's funny. When I learned about that, I was like, my God, if only I knew.
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But anyway, I got to a point where I felt like my manifestation abilities were kind of at a stalemate and things weren't they weren't feeling fun anymore. Everything was feeling really hard. There was so much resistance. And it was important for me to get to that point because then it made me question what I was missing. I'm like, okay, something needs to shift here. What is it? And so what I ended up doing was diving back into the self love stuff deeper. And I realized that.
This element of putting myself first was very low. And so that is something I have been really, really cultivating over the last year and a half, like on a daily basis, is maintaining that unconditional love and putting myself first. And it has been an incredible challenge. It has been very challenging, but also very fulfilling at the same time. And as I have been going on this journey of putting myself first.
For one, I had a lot of resistance to this and I wasn't putting myself first really, like honestly, like on an average it was less than ten percent I was putting myself first. And which is weird because I didn't really feel like that, but I'll explain why in a minute. It's it's sneaky, like you don't really notice it because I never learned to operate in that way. So because I never knew how to put myself first.
I didn't realize I wasn't doing that 'cause you can't really realize that you were never doing something in the first place, right? So anyway, I started to realize that was a big issue in my life that I needed to work through in order to kind of get to the next level, make more progress in the in my life and what I was manifesting. So I had a lot of resistance to this because I had always been taught, you know, I don't know where, whether it was my f I mean, I think it was, you know,
generational stuff, society stuff, just like what you're taught to do, right? Is like people are taught that putting yourself first is selfish. And what's been idolized and glamorized, I guess like what people no, like what people have been praised for is putting others before themselves. So like like think about when somebody is talking about
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I feel like I used to hear this a lot, like, my gosh. Caroline is amazing. She is just always putting others above her. You know, she is so selfless. That is like something that people praise. And I'm not necessarily saying that, you know, Caroline's a bad person, but if Caroline's putting everybody else before her, do you think she's happy? Probably not. Do you think that she is fulfilled and enjoying her life? Probably not.
The issue with this is also that because people think it's selfish, people are also when people decide to like enter their villain era or they're just like really pushed over the limit, you'll notice that some people it's it's a universal law called the law of opposing forces, which I can definitely do an episode about one day. There's a pendulum swing that when you are pushed in one direction so much, like putting everybody above yourself for so long, you end up hitting a breaking point where you swing the other way and you're like, screw this, I
I'm gonna start putting myself first from now on. And then you kind of just like blow past people like in your path and you just don't have any regard for anybody else. So it almost becomes this like extreme pendulum swing into the other side. It's like one second you care about everybody else but yourself, but now you only care about yourself and you don't care about how it affects other people. And that's not the right way to go about self love either. And that is why this misconception is so warped. So
Those were like two big concepts that I'm going to now break down further. So also, if you guys are curious what your unconditional self-love levels are and like how often you are putting yourself first, you can do a free higher self channeled read from me. So all you need to do is schedule a complimentary alignment call with me on my website or a link in the show notes below. And what I'll do is I'll check your unconditional self-love level levels. And what I can also do is see
With those unconditional self-love levels, how much that is blocking you from whatever area of life you're focused on manifesting the most, right? Whether it's a partner, a career, money, friendships, anything like that. I will be able to give you an intuitive read and I will be able to see your current unconditional self-love levels, how often you're putting yourself first.
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And I'll be able to see how much this is blocking you from other areas of your life and how much your life will open up if you start to put yourself first. So that's a good one. I highly, highly recommend. So I have the link in my show notes. Schedule a complimentary alignment call with me and I will give you that read completely free. No strings attached. So hope to see you there. So going deeper into those two examples about Caroline that I just mentioned, we're gonna use Caroline. I feel like that's a good name because I don't
personally know anyone named Caroline, I don't think, like really well, at least. Like they're not in my close circle. So I'm not like calling out any of my friends or anything. Actually, now that I'm thinking about the name Caroline, it's actually kind of funny. The first name that comes to mind, or the first person that comes to mind, is Caroline from The Vampire Diaries. So I mean, she wasn't that great at self-love either in the beginning, but she really like she had a great character arc.
That's a story for another day. She really had so much growth over all of those seasons. So good for her. We're gonna use the name Caroline. That just like confirmed it for me. Going down the selfish rabbit hole, right? Like Caroline is selfless because she puts other people before herself. A lot of people have the idea because we're taught. We're really taught it. It's planted into our heads for there's a lot of reasons that would be quite the rabbit hole to go down. If you're interested in like
some of the darker reasons like as to why society wants us to operate like this and put other people before ourselves. I can go more in depth in that if you guys are truly interested in it. But I don't think today's the episode for it. I want to focus on like the why behind it and how it's really going to give you the greatest life change and benefit you. But if you are really just like interested in that rabbit hole, let me know. I could even just make like maybe like a 10 minute YouTube video or something like that if you guys are interested. so
It's a misconception. I'm gonna I just want you to break that belief right now. Putting yourself first is not selfish. We're gonna break that belief right here in real time, okay? Because you deserve to put yourself first. Every single person does. And let me tell you right now, it actually benefits people when you put yourself first. It is not selfish. It is actually benefiting every person in your life today if you start putting yourself first.
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This is how passionate I feel about this, guys. Okay. So, and let me tell you why. All right. Let's say Caroline is a mom. Okay. Do you think a mom that puts her children before herself all the time is going to be the best mom? Like genuinely, I'm genuinely curious if a mother is always putting her children before herself, is she going to be the best mother to those children? The answer is no.
I'm not a mother, so I can't personally relate, but I do know that a lot of women struggle with like mom guilt and putting themselves first when it comes to having children. And this is not actually beneficial because if you're not at your best to be with your children, you're not gonna give your children the best version of you. Right. So there's that example alone in in and of itself. And then think about at work. If you are putting work
above yourself, right? Like especially like, you know, a corporate job. You're working. I used to see this all the time when I worked at Big Four and I was an HR business partner. It was a very cutthroat, competitive environment for a lot of the consultants that I was the talent consultant for. And so these people worked sometimes sixty hour weeks, maybe even more if they were a partner. Like I constantly saw the employees, the managers, the partners, like all of these people just
Putting work above themselves so much, and you wanna know what that did, that just created so much more issues in the workplace. So many people were unfulfilled doing shittier work because they were so tired, so exhausted, and so burnt out. The leaders couldn't be the best leaders for their team, so there was so much dysfunction in the workplace. Putting work before your own needs is not going to make you a better person.
worker, it is going to really bring out a worse version of you, actually. Think about it like that. You know, when people don't take the time that they need to show up to work, to motherhood, to their relationship, to their friendships as their best self, then they aren't going to give the best of themselves. You can't be a really great friend to someone if you haven't taken care of yourself first.
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You can't be a really great partner if you haven't taken care of yourself first. You can't be a really great employee if you haven't taken care of yourself first. You must always put yourself first. But this is the key, and this is why a lot of people get confused on this and think it's selfish. You must always put yourself first, but this is the part where it's how to not make it selfish, how to not be an asshole, right? So
You must put yourself first in order to be the best version of yourself to others. It doesn't mean, you know, that other version, right, with the Caroline with the pendulum swing, right? It doesn't mean that you no longer have any considerations for other people because you are putting yourself first. So who cares what they think? Blah, blah, blah. Okay. That's not it. You need to put yourself first, and then you can be present with these people for whatever they need from you. That is
The true key to unconditional self-love, that thousand frequency perspective of what it means to put yourself first and have unconditional love for yourself. Love yourself to be at your best, to be of best service to others. Love yourself enough to give yourself what you need. Okay? Love yourself enough to take care of yourself first.
Because if you don't take care of yourself first, if you don't prioritize yourself first, who else is going to do that for you? Nobody. Because it's an inside-out world, guys, okay? It's an inside out world. So your internal world is reflected back to you externally. So everything you see in your external reality is a reflection of what's going on inside. So if you don't truly love yourself, other people can only love you to the level that you love yourself. If you don't put yourself first.
You're gonna be last on everybody else's list too. If you don't prioritize yourself, other people aren't going to prioritize you, right? And so there's so many reasons why you should want to put yourself first. And I think a lot of the reason why people are afraid to do that is because they are worried that they are gonna come off selfish. They are worried that that means that if they put themselves first, then they're a bad person. And that's just really not the truth.
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And this was something I really, really struggled with. I for a long time I was really this was a big thing for me. I was really worried about being abandoned, being triggered, or triggering people. I was really worried about like what people thought of me. I think it's very common. I know like a lot of us go through this. I was always worried about what people thought of me. I still work through that a lot today, you know, the fear of being seen, the visibility wounds, those are actively being worked on. But
I used to care a lot, especially, you know, when you're in high school and when you're in college and you know, there's there's that innate human need to be part of a community, you know, going back to like the tribal days, right? You've probably heard that before. You don't want to be isolated. There's a human need for connection, for community and being a part of something. No one ever wants to be, you know, kicked out of the tribe, kicked out of the community and isolated on their own. So there is this human thing that goes on.
where people don't want to stir the pot, people don't want to be abandoned. So it's very easy to fall into the trap of putting others before yourself. So, you know, aside from just worrying about being selfish, you also are very resistant, whether they're aware of it or not, to putting themselves first because they don't want to be abandoned. They don't want their friends to leave them. They don't want their partner to leave them. They want to make sure that
you know, their partner still loves them and stays with them. So they do all these things and they, you know, put themselves on the back burner so that they can maintain their relationship. And so that's another reason why people struggle to put themselves first. To recap, people struggle to put themselves first because they are afraid of it coming off as selfish. I've now just dispelled that belief for you guys that it's not selfish, that you actually are benefiting other people when you put yourself first. So
Going forward, remind yourself of that. When you put yourself first, you are going to be a better partner, a better parent, a better worker, a better business owner, a better friend. Like every way, shape, and form, if you put yourself first, you are going to be a better version of yourself to other people. So it's not selfish because you're benefiting them. Okay. So that's number one. Number two is you're not going to be abandoned for putting yourself first. Okay. If you have the frame of reference, like,
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I'm gonna, you know, take care of myself so that I can show up for s for my friend tonight later and be the best friend that I could be for her. How the heck are you gonna get abandoned for that, right? Like it is not g putting yourself first and taking care of your own needs is not going to get you abandoned by a relationship, by a family member, by a friend, anybody. Okay. In fact, if you think about it, because you're starting to prioritize yourself and take care of yourself and love yourself more.
You're actually going to create external change in your reality because your internal world is changing. So people are actually going to love you more, they're going to prioritize you more, and they're going to take care of you more. So you're not going to be abandoned. You're actually going to get a better experience than you currently have now. So that's number two. And then going back to the other the number three thing, like putting yourself first without being an asshole, going back to the the pendulum swing law of opposing forces thing when people
kind of enter their villain era and they're like, okay, well, you know what, I've been putting everybody first my whole life. It's gotten me nowhere. Now I'm putting myself first and I'm not gonna have any regard for anybody else, right? That's the lower frequency mentality of putting yourself first that gets all of this stuff really warped. And so some examples of that is when say it's your friend's birthday and you already committed to going out for their birthday, having a really good time with them, but say you just you got a really bad headache.
You're not really feeling that great. And so you're like, you know what? I gotta put myself first. I'm gonna cancel on them last minute because I need to put myself first. Like that is the lower frequency perception of putting yourself first in like self love because then you're embodying being more of a flaky friend, right? You're leaving your friend high and dry. That's the kind of stuff that does ruin relationships. But higher frequency way of putting yourself first
and taking care of yourself in that situation is to get a better sense of what's going on, right? Like if you're just feeling off that day, maybe you had a really stressful week, you're not really feeling your best, maybe your head hurts a little bit, why don't you drink some water, get in a walk, journal, do some stuff before going out for your friend's birthday to help your mind. Help get yourself into a better frame of mind. See what's going on. Take care of yourself, right? Take that time that you need
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To figure out what's going on that's making you feel the way that you do. And you know what? Maybe you were gonna drink, but because you know you're you're not feeling your best, you're gonna go sober that night. But you're still gonna show up and support your friend because you made a commitment, but you're going to take care of yourself first before you go out to maintain that commitment, right? Like that is a high frequency way of putting yourself first and taking care of yourself while still being.
a good friend, a good person, quote unquote, you know, not being selfish, not being an asshole, right? Because and that is gonna benefit people if you think about it, right? Because your friend would much rather, even if you had to come late, say you had to come late 'cause you need to take care of yourself first. Maybe you got out of work late, you needed some time to reset before your friend's birthday dinner. Say you had to be there an hour late, your friend would much rather you come an hour late to do your journaling, take your walk, do some breath work, whatever you need to do, right?
Drink some water, take some aspirin and or Advil or whatever. I mean, or do some energy work if you're spiritual like me. do something to help your headache, right? So that you're at your best when you go out for the birthday dinner, right? Because your friend's going to want you to be at your best for the birthday dinner. They're not gonna want you there feeling exhausted and tired and drained and in a crappy mood, right? So they're gonna want you there at your best. So if you have to be late, fine. Totally good, right?
So it's stuff like that. You know, that's just an example. Obviously, there's so many different nuances and circumstances, but that's just an example to help you understand how you can put yourself first without being an asshole, without being selfish. And there's so many ways to do that.
And I think for I think for me too, you know, I went through all of these things and that's why I'm sharing them here with you because I had so much resistance to putting myself first. I even found that some people got very triggered by this. And, you know, I had riffs in my friendships, my relationships with my mother, like I I had plenty of riffs when I put myself first and I made that decision. And what I will say is
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If that happens to you right, if you go on this journey of starting to put yourself first, don't expect it to be perfect right away. I think something that I had to do with my partner, with some of my friendships, and work in progress with my mom, something that I had to do was explain to people a little bit more why I'm doing the things that I'm doing. And that actually helps a lot more than you realize because
It's not anybody's fault, but people get like people's egos get really tripped up when you're doing something to take care of yourself over them. because we have these universal societal collective, I should say, really societal collective beliefs that putting yourself first is selfish and people don't care about you if they put themselves first. Like we have these collective beliefs, so people get triggered when you start putting yourself first because of those collective beliefs.
But people also get triggered because
It's kind of like this almost an envious type of thing, because people believe that they can't put themselves first because it's selfish or because, you know, they never learned how to in the right way. So when people see other people doing something that they, you know, unconsciously want to do for themselves, but they feel like they can't, they make people feel a certain type of way about it. And, you know, I truly believe people don't have negative intent most of the time.
when these things happen, right? A lot of things are very subconscious, under the surface, learned behaviors from family, from society, from school systems. People don't know any better sometimes, but I found this this happened a lot with my mom. Like my mom grew up she had a difficult life and she was much more in like a survival type of mindset. So she never felt like she had the luxury or to
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take care of herself and put herself first in the way that she really wanted to. And so when she would want me to do things that felt misaligned or when she would want me to
do something at the expense of what I was already doing or something like that. Like she wanted me to go, you know, spend time with her, even though I had already had plans to go to the gym or work. I was like, you know, I'm I'm already going to the gym, but I can do something with you tomorrow instead. She would get really tripped up on that. And she'd be like, you know, all you care about is yourself. You should really care about other people more. Like people will do that to you because of their own stuff, right? It's their ego coming up. It's the limiting beliefs. It's them feeling some level of envy that they feel like they can't
Have the permission to do that. They feel like they're not allowed to do that. So they're like, how dare they do that if I can't do that? But they can. They just don't have the right tools, right? And that's why I'm putting this podcast episode out. So that's something really important to mention. I would say also, just because it is an inside out world, right? So aside from those two reasons, right? People feel like it's selfish, so they're gonna judge you for it, or they feel like they can't do it, so they're gonna be envious of you for it.
The third reason is because we have our beliefs create a lot of our reality, right? I talk about that inside out world, right? Manifestation. we have a creator field that creates a lot of the things in our physical reality, which creator field episode coming soon. That's a big one. Big, big, big manifestation mastery. Not even just that, but like understanding why everything happens to you and how to have more control over it. Game changer. So
Creator Field episode coming soon. What's what happens is if we still haven't fully worked through the belief that putting ourselves first is selfish, which is something that happened to me. So I have firsthand experience with this. If we still have our doubts that putting ourselves first is the best thing for everybody involved, people are going to reflect that doubt back to us. So that happened, you know, in my relationship with my partner a lot. When I started to put myself first and, you know,
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prioritize my needs more and not be a bad partner, right? But because it was a little bit unfamiliar, I was so used to putting myself last and doing things that I didn't really want to do, but felt like I had to do. You know, I was living a lot of times I was not thinking about what I needed. I was just focused on not being abandoned and making everybody else happy, right? So when I started to put myself first, I had a lot of doubts about
being called selfish and things like that, being judged for it too. And so because I didn't have that fully rooted belief that putting myself first is actually going to be the best thing for everybody for the highest good of all, people reflected that back to me. And people, you know, my partner would be like, well, okay, if you're gonna put yourself first, I'm gonna put myself first, or and things like that. Even with friendships too, right? People, I had friends that thought I was a bad friend because I was doing something that
I needed to do for myself and I had doubts about if I was making the right decision and being selfish. So people reflected that doubt and accusing me of being selfish back at me because I had those doubts within myself, right? So I also want you to be mindful that as you start to do this, there will probably be some bumps in the road along the way as you start to fully root to this, but just remind yourself every time, here's really my main takeaway is every time you go to do something.
Ask yourself, how can I be at my best for this? Like that's the key. How can I be at my best for this situation? And remind yourself, once you do that action or whatever you need to be at your best, it is for the highest good of everyone involved. Do those two things. Though that's your homework from this episode to start creating big life changes. You would be surprised how doing this one little thing.
changes your life so much, but I guarantee you it will. And if it doesn't, come back to me and let me know. And I'll make sure that we got the foundational understandings right, make sure we're really integrating it correctly. I'll help you through that to make sure it does change your life. So that's your two takeaways today is start your day, put a phone timer on. I do that too. I try to put a phone timer on to remember to do this integrative work that I do on a daily basis, right? Because I don't tell you guys to do anything that I'm not going to do myself.
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So this is all stuff that I've done and I've seen it really, really helped me in a lot of ways. And I'm also sharing the trials and tribulations of how I did this and the mistakes I made along the way so that you can experience my mistakes secondhand and not have to go through that and just have a better experience down the line. So take all the learning lessons I shared with you today and
Have this work out for you in your favor even faster, more effective than it did for me, please. Like I would love that. Happy to be the martyr and follow my 6'3 human design profile of trial and error making mistakes for everybody. So I would say do those two things, put a timer on your phone so you remember to do this every day. And I would say, like, I think the easiest thing is start with the morning routine.
Take time for yourself before you reach for the phone, before you check your emails, before you go to whatever tasks you have to do. If you're a wife, a husband, a parent, do something for yourself first before you go take care of your significant other or your kids. Do something for yourself first before you start your work day. Anything, right? It could be working out, it could be ten minutes of breath work, it could be journaling for a few minutes. It could just be something as simple as putting on your favorite song and dancing around for a few minutes. Something that
Fills up your cup before you start your day. That's the easiest way to do it. But you are going to want to do this more universally, like before you go out with friends. How could I be at my best before I go to this dinner? It's just like with working out too, right? How can I be at my best for this workout? I foam roll before every workout. I stretch after every workout so that I can continue to be at my best and take care of my body, right?
Maybe you need some food. How can I be at my best for this big meeting I have? Let me get some, you know, high quality food in so that I have energy. Let me drink some water so I'm hydrated and my brain is working properly. How can I be at my best for this really stressful event I have coming up? Well, let me take some deep breaths and work on my nervous system for a little bit before I go into that so I'm better equipped to handle the higher stress situation. That's the kind of lifestyle you want to embody in your everyday life.
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Even if it's no one else involved, right? Like, you know, sometimes when I'm even like something as simple as going on a run, I'll be like, All right, what do I need for to be at my best for this run? Have I drank enough water yet today? Nope, let me do that. Let me do my foam rolling first. And then you know, when I take my walking breaks, I'm like, All right, what do I need to be at my best for this next mile? Let me take some deep breaths, let me
you know, really center myself and get really intentional on how far I want to go and blah blah blah. Like it's just even the little things make a huge difference because the more that you do this for the little things, it's going to become more of like that muscle memory, right? Like you know when you're a dancer, you know, when you're a dancer, I was a dancer growing up. We had this thing called muscle memory because when we were kids, we learned how to use proper dance form and it became muscle memory. So
Whenever we would do a kick or this and that, without even thinking about it, we would point our toe. Or if you are you did sports, right? You get muscle memory from sports so that you can you know, do a volleyball serve without even thinking about it, or throw a football without even thinking about it, 'cause you have that muscle memory, right? It's just like stuff like that. Even just think about the things that you do on autopilot. You know, you shut your garage door and you lock the door without the front door without even thinking about it, right? It's
The more that you repeat and do the putting yourself first thing and reminding yourself it's for the highest good of all, it's going to become automatic, subconscious. And you want to do that because when you're in a really high stress situation, if this isn't automatic and subconscious, you're gonna forget to do that and you're gonna go back to your old flight or fight. What is it? You're going to go back to your old fight or flight ways.
And so if you spent your whole life putting others before yourself and if you're being abandoned and you have doubts about putting yourself first, being of the highest good of all, when you're in a really high stress situation, maybe you're in a really difficult argument with your partner and you know, it's it's a situation where you're not really at your best for if you aren't doing this stuff automatically, then you're not going to be able to do it in a high tense situation like that, and you're probably not gonna show up
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in the best way for that difficult conversation or that argument had you subconsciously prepared yourself beforehand to be in a better place for that conversation, if that makes sense. So it's things like that. It's just muscle memory, making it a part of who you are and that's how that's one of the most foundational things of self love. And it's going to amplify and transcend and
Upgrade every area of your life the more that you continue to do that kind of stuff. I hope you guys enjoyed this self-love episode as part of the unconditional self-love series, all focused on putting yourself first without being selfish. So you guys heard it all, right? You know why you know what self-love is, unconditional self-love, source truth version specifically. You know why you should care about self-love.
You know, the most common misconceptions about why people think self-love is selfish, how to do it in a way that doesn't make you selfish, and how to rewire your brain to make this transition more easier for your life, right? We have the phone timer, we have the daily setup of doing these things for yourself. We have instilling the belief that it's for the highest good of all, right? Go back, take some notes on the main takeaways here and start every single day asking yourself before every situation, every new segment, how can I be at my best for this?
Okay, this is for the highest good of all. Just do that and see how it changes your life and let me know how it does. So that's that. If you enjoyed this podcast, it would mean the world to me if you could rate it five stars and leave a review letting me know your biggest takeaways and what you want to hear more of next. The more reviews and ratings we have for this podcast, the more exposure it gets to help other people with this life changing information and the more it supports me so that I can continue giving you the highest quality, highest frequency.
free information on this podcast every single month. And then if you are curious, just one other reminder, sign up for a complimentary alignment call with me and I will give you a free higher self channeled reading to see how often you are putting yourself first, your current unconditional love levels, and how much not putting yourself first in your unconditional love levels are preventing you from creating your dream life, your biggest goal, your biggest block. We're gonna go through every single thing.
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to see just how much this work can change your life. So completely complimentary. I would love to have you. Links are in the show notes below for my free membership, Sovereign Radiance Awakened, where I'm going to be doing free online trainings every single month. So you will be notified of those trainings. You have to be in the membership. You have to be on my email list in order to get those invitations. Those are exclusive to you guys on my email list and in my free membership. And I will talk to you soon. All right. Take care.
